I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
