Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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