Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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