It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
You made out with two different species that night
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
