you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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