alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Randomize
