you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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