I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
the day after is always just damage control
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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