I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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