They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
