Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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