Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Randomize
