I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
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