I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
