Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
it hurts more in the daytime
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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