He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
