So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
