thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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