tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
