I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
We need to rekindle our bromance
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
