I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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