obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
did i walk over a car last night?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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