We won't sleep together?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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