They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
