She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
