she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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