Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
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