ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
