He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
