do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Im just a social blackout drinker.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
