Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize
