His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
