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sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
high people should be assigned attendants
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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