Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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