theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize