WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
