I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
