You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
