She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
