I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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