Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
