new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
