Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i think my mom watched the whole time
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
