a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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