we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
