Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
