grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Ladies don't puke and tell
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
