During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
