So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
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