i already hear my dad disowning me
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
