I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
