My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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