it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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