I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
