Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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