Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
