my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I'm having to shit out rocks
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