I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
