I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I think I just sharted jello shots
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
