just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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