I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
