if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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