I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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