At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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