i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
