i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
