absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
