i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Four minutes until I can fart!
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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